When I think back to my time with Lamar Odom, it’s honestly a whirlwind of emotions. We had some incredible moments together, and then there were the tough times that I never imagined I’d have to go through. Watching the release of Lamar’s documentary Untold: The Death & Life of Lamar Odom really brings everything full circle for me. I had no idea how much I had buried in my heart until I saw it all on screen, but now, I realize just how much it’s all been a part of my journey too.

Lamar was the love of my life at one point, and I truly believed we could overcome anything. We moved fast, we were in love, and I thought we’d be together forever. But addiction? That’s a beast I wasn’t ready for. Looking back, I can see now that no matter how much you love someone, you can’t fight their demons for them. I was there for Lamar through his darkest times, and I still would be, but I also had to accept that I couldn’t save him from himself. And honestly, that was the hardest part.

The Man I Married vs. The Struggles We Faced

I’m not sure people understand how much of Lamar I loved, despite everything. He had a huge heart, and when he was sober, he was just the best. But addiction took that away from him. It wasn’t just the drugs — it was the way it impacted him emotionally, how it changed him into someone I didn’t know anymore. He wasn’t the man I married, and I was scared to lose him. And in a way, I did. I lost him, even when he was right in front of me.

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We went through so many highs and lows, but the hardest part came when he ended up in a coma after his overdose in 2015. It wasn’t just a nightmare — it felt like I was living in a bad dream I couldn’t wake up from. Being there by his side, hoping he’d open his eyes, was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.

Lamar’s Battle and My Role

What people didn’t know about Lamar’s battle with addiction was that it was a lot more complicated than just saying “he needs help.” I was dealing with that in the public eye, with cameras following me and everyone watching us. You want to save someone you love so badly, but you also don’t know how. Addiction doesn’t make sense, and honestly, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much you try to help — you just can’t fix someone unless they’re ready to fix themselves. And that’s the hardest pill to swallow.

In the documentary, Lamar talks about his battles, and I can’t help but feel for him. I wish I could’ve done more, but at some point, I had to accept that he had to fight this on his own. My love for him never wavered, though. I was always there when he needed me, even when things seemed impossible. But I also had to learn to protect myself, which meant stepping back and taking care of my own mental health.

The Aftermath and Lamar’s Recovery

Now that Lamar is sober and trying to make amends, I’m so proud of him. It wasn’t easy for him, and I’m sure it’s still a daily struggle, but he’s trying. And that’s all anyone can really ask for. I’ve seen him at his lowest, and to see him get to a place where he’s focusing on recovery and rebuilding his life? It’s inspiring. I know how far he’s come, and it gives me hope for everyone going through their own battles.

I always wished the best for him, and I still do. Lamar was, and still is, someone I will always care about. The documentary isn’t just his story — it’s our story, too. It’s a story about love, about loss, and about learning how to heal.

Conclusion

The release of Lamar’s documentary was emotional for me. It forced me to look back on everything we went through — the love, the pain, the mistakes, and the moments of strength. Lamar’s story is a reminder that we all have our battles, but it’s how we handle them that defines us. As I watch him take control of his life again, I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned through all of this. We’re both in a better place now, and I just want the best for him moving forward.